Why your DMs get ignored — and what to write instead

Want to kill a conversation before it starts?

Open with an ask.

I see this all the time when people message me on LinkedIn. The very first message is a pitch.

Often, it’s some automated, long-winded message asking me to download a resource of some kind.

A real example:

“Hi Justin,

Thank you! I truly value our connection, and I want to take a moment to express my gratitude. This is not a sales pitch just something that might bring some value.

I'd love to share my free guide, "The Essential Guide to Reducing Inflammation," or my recipe book, " Anti-InflammatoryDesserts."

Which one sparks your interest? Let me know, and I’ll send it over to you right away!

Additionally, I’ve been sharing some fun and insightful videos that could be helpful. Feel free to check them out whenever you get a chance!

Wishing you a fantastic start to the year! I’m excited to hear from you soon.”

Would you have time for this? I don’t have time for this. This doesn’t get a second look from me (unless I’m using it as an example of what not to do in my newsletter).

The assertion that the DM “is not a sales pitch” isn’t really true, either. They’re not asking for my money, but for something just as valuable: my time. In exchange for resources that are not at all relevant to me.

And even if the resources (offering 3+ things in one message muddies this up even further) were relevant to me, this just isn’t how to open a conversation.

Would you walk up to a stranger and start talking to them like this?

When a friend — even a close friend — calls you and immediately opens with a pitch for some new multi-level marketing thing they’re into, it makes you recoil a bit. You go into social defence mode.

One of the biggest hacks in marketing and sales is to make your communication more natural and conversational

And that goes for cold outreach just as much as for the writing on your website.

The First Line’s Only Job

In copywriting, we say that the only goal of the first line is to make someone want to read the second.

We tend to forget that this applies to conversations and DMs as well.

You wouldn’t put a “Buy Now” button before the headline on your homepage, so why open a conversation with an ask?

The goal of your first message should be to make the recipient feel comfortable writing back. That’s it.

It can be one or two sentences long. Ideally, it will contain a simple question that invites them to share what’s happening in their world.

“Thanks for the connect. How’s Q1 shaping up?”
“Great post. What’s your big goal for this quarter?”

It's no secret that we all love genuine interest in what we're doing. I love talking about what I’m up to, even if I suspect there’s a pitch coming down the line

When people feel comfortable, conversations flow naturally. And when conversations flow naturally, opportunities arise.

Empathy First, Persuasion Second

When we want to convince someone of something, we need to start by putting ourselves in their shoes.

The next time you write a cold email or DM, stop before you send it and think, “Out of the 59 messages they get today, are they really going to respond to this?”

What does it take to compete for attention in someone’s inbox today?

Make it easy for them. Talk to them like a human being.

The first message should always sell a conversation, not a sale.

This article originally appeared in our newsletter. Subscribe here.